Reach Out (I'll Be There)

An Open Letter from Gary Sullivan to Primary Schools Football Club

Dear Team-mate.

There are times in all of our lives when one has to face up to uncompromising truths and difficult decisions (Oh Dear! Where is this going? - Ed)

This season has been one of those occasions. Amid the feeling of rancour (Aye. Rhymes with rancour - Ed) from dissenting voices that shan't be named (Hint - It was the WHOLE TEAM - Ed) I decided to look within myself and, in doing so, realised exactly what the team had been crying out for.

Someone needed to step up to the plate (Might as well, Dimeck's on his third helping - Ed). Someone needed to "give something back". 

Those new, young, eager upstarts (steady, Petrie!!) in the shape of Myles, Harris, Begg et al had me reminiscing back to when I was at the beginning of my now illustrious career in Staff Football. I was lucky - I had the likes of Eamonn Bannon, Jim McArthur and Willie French to look up to; but who did these fresh faced lads have? No-one. 

So, I decided, in a moment of pure inspiration that has become my unofficial trademark, that I could be that person. That guiding light in the midst of so much confusion and knob jokes. The one to take the flak, dish out the advice and be a shoulder to cry on - especially after the inexplicable horror of seeing Hunter's white pudding in the showers.

I've seen too many young guys having to face up to the likes of that all by themselves. Some never recovered.

As soon as I had completed my SFA Coaching Badges with Jim Wilson in Largs last summer, I decided that, rather than cleaning up with a fourth straight Top Scorer gong, I would set personal glory aside so that the team might flourish. And my - have they not flourished?! (Eh... No? - Ed)

It has come as a refreshing change from the pressure of being the focal point, the fulcrum, the lynchpin, the Big Cheese - basically, the "Top Gadgie" of the team. The one that could be relied upon to dig the laddies out the mire when chips were down. That spark of genius. The "difference".

Sure, I could gracefully slot into any position in the team and play with drive, poise, endeavour and intelligence beyond my years. I mean, they don't call me "The Leatherman" for nothing! However, I soon realised that by taking up residence in the hallowed Full Back berth, I could provide that stable platform to allow my young charges to perform, to reach their goals, to flourish in the limelight - Just as i had. (When??!! -Ed)


Just look at former duds like Gilhooley, Jamieson, Faherty and Peterkin - would they have had such sumptuous seasons with Relentless Competitor doing his usual and bursting the onion bag every game? Dictating the tempo like some beautifully oiled metronome in human form? Whispering encouragement at that optimum moment that turned the tide in the favour of the famous Travelling Dangleberries? I'll leave that for you to decide in the heated arena of the post match pub discussion or radio phone in.

But enough about me (Promise? - Ed). In this, the year of the Olympic Games, I hand the torch of opportunity to you, my young charges, that you might one day emulate and even surpass (Oooh! Big ask! - Ed) my achievements in the realm of Schools Staff Football.

Reach out, lads! I'll be there!

Gary Sullivan

Swiss Army Champion Knife (S.A.CK.) of Football

Results/Stats 2012

The Sullivan Salver - Glittering Prize

As usual I will endeavour to keep you up to speed with all the results and stats for the season.

Goals scored, goals conceded, number of times Greg Dimeck wears ladies underwear - that kind of thing.

Results so far 2012

Gillespies/Working Together vs Primaries - VOID - Bottled it
Tynecastle/St.Davids 1 vs 4 Primaries (Jamieson 2, Begg, Myles) - MOM Jamieson
Musselburgh 3 vs 1 Primaries (Jamieson) - MOM Peterkin
Portobello vs Primaries - VOID - Waterlogged Pitch

P	W	D	L	F	A	Pts
2	1	0	1	5	4	3

Hot Shot Trophy 2012 a.k.a "The Sullivan Salver"


The battle for the most sought after trophy in Staff Football rages on for another year.

After a tireless campaign and 10,00 name petition was delivered to Lindsay Odie, a decision was made to honour three time winner (on the bounce remember!) - Gary "Big Goals" Sullivan - and rename the trophy to The Sullivan Salver. A Civic Reception will be held at the Corstorphine branch of Subway® later in the year.

Jamieson has begun the season in outrageous form, scoring three goals in his first two games. However, going on previous years stats, his form should take a severe dip round....about.... now.

Taking up the slack is a team responsibility, although the usual suspects working at the sharp end are ready and willing to play a big part in launching PSFC into the stratosphere of scoring success.

This year's fresh intake of youth players in attacking positions has, once again, got the doubters crawling from under the skirting board to denounce former champ Sullivan. Indeed, a recent quote from a club insider (we'll call him Heathen Stillgooley) said that the White Pele was "overfed, over watered and over the hill". 

A source close to the striker said "For sure, in terms of food and drink consumption, Gaz has had a big winter. He followed that up with a large fries and coleslaw combo. However, he washed it down with a diet IrnBru so you can see his commitment to PSFC hasn't dropped one iota.

No matter how the season goes, one thing is for certain - The Truth Will Out!!

Current Standings

Jamieson - 3
Begg - 1
Myles - 1

Calling All Insomniacs!

Musselburgh Capitulation - Chuck Yer Bunnet On It!!

Muddy Hell!

Primaries weather early storm to rain supreme in Dalkeith


PSFC started the season with a solid win against Tynecastle/St.Davids and sounded out an early warning to any would-be opponents who might fancy a "plop" at the title. (Yes, there will be weather puns throughout this report so learn to live with it - Ed)

The Dangleberries ranks had be swollen by a few new faces for this years campaign as the legendary ForthView Flyers joined ranks with (C)analview racing whippet Gregor Myles. However, the biggest shock was a return for Jammy Begg who had recently returned from a kibbutz in New Zealand after a 2 year Ovine Breeding Programme (or "Wooly Love" as its known there).

The match kicked off at a frenetic pace, yet it soon became apparent that the pitch (aka The Dalkeith Rice Pudding) would effectively negate any attempt at the kind of short passing game which PSFC are particularly fond (When? - Ed)

The home side had already figured this out and launched wave after wave of attack on the Primaries goal. Sterling work from the PSFC rearguard kept the TynieStD (ooooh! You're cool! - Ed) deluge at bay and goalkeeper McCann was beginning to resemble a demented Al Jolson impersonator with each helping of "dirt time" (Steady, Hunter!!)

It seemed as though the Primaries had taken the instruction "we're playing on grass" a bit too literally as every player chased after the ball like some hideous 22 legged siamese twin, yet out of this tangle of confusion shone one ray of sunshine in the form of quintessential "slippery customer" Steven Jamieson.

A Tynie corner (like a fruit corner but smaller) was hoofed clear by the outstanding Stuart Holden and brought down by the lanky assassin. He immediately burst forward, leaving defenders in his wake and cooly slotted to hand Primaries the advantage! 1-0 Primaries.

With the Dangleberries midfield finally coming to grips, the tie suddenly lurched in the away side's favour as Begg doubled the lead from close range after more sublime wing play from Jamieson.

2-0 Primaries. HT.

Benched backline botherer Sullivan cajoled his effervescent charges from the touchline and this seemed to spur on his cack covered colleagues further as they began the second period on fire.

Jamieson was once again tormentor in chief as he collected a loose ball out wide and arrowed towards the home side's penalty area, eventually skipping past two challenges before delightfully dinking a precise finish into the pokey. 3-0 Primaries.

As the rain storm machine-gunning the players began to enter into the "Biblical" category it looked for all the world as though that third goal would put the proverbial warm blanket around the shoulders of the Primaries performance. However, Tynie St.D had other ideas and their captain was allowed to stroll the length of the pitch unchallenged before rifling in a 30 yard effort that left McCann looking foolish (A tough ask for a ginger heided guy wearing red shorts and yellow socks - Ed) 3-1 Primaries.

The continued exclusion of three time top scorer Sullivan was beginning to make the Tevez affair look like small potatoes in comparison and his team mates pleaded for the relentless predator (I wouldn't be shouting that name about too often - Ed) to be welcomed into the fray. Readers, this reporter has to admit that Durkin looked particularly upset (that was because he had electrical tape holding his underpants together!!- Ed).

The team were revolting (tell us something we don't know! -Ed) and it was only in the nick of time that Kay deemed the striker worthy of inclusion. Not surprisingly, the tactic paid off immediately.

Sullivan's trademark steely determination won the ball in midfield and set up an intricate move between Kipanda, Peterkin and Baillie who sent Begg through on goal. However he was too focused on chatting up a lady defender and he allowed the ball to break loose to Myles who made no mistake from close range.  4-1 Primaries

The closing stages were played out in the kind of turgid spectacle that only Morrison seemed to take any pleasure from and the referee finally brought the match to a close.
4-1 Primaries FT

So, a fabulously hard fought win for Primaries in terrible conditions and a corking start to the campaign. Although everyone was outstanding to a man, there was one unanimous candidate for Man of the Match. Stevie Jamieson's beautiful brace bagged the bauble for the Giallo di Rossoblu.

Dickie Davies

Harris and Morrison were delighted with the win

Musselburgh 03.05.12

Gaffer Kay wished he'd brought his P.A to the teamtalk

Gaffer Douglas "Spartacus" Kay has his work cut out when offering up his pre-match team talk tomorrow, it seems. 


Yes, this week looks to bring on the biggest selection headache since Petrie had to decide on bottles of Blue WKD or shots of Vodka Sourz in Harry's Bar.

Players have been literally crawling out the woodwork (or in Jamie Begg's case the Antipodean bush - Steady! -Ed) to showcase their skills for the famous Peruvian Pulseurs de Boule at Musselburgh tomorrow.

After last weeks thumping 4-1 win in a damp, dreich, dour Dalkeith, it looks like Primaries are well set to mount a strong challenge this season - if Kay can seperate the sweet from the naff (thats a riff on the arable farming term "wheat from the chaff", dingus - Ed) as the playing pool threatens to resemble a Somerset waterway.

No matter. I'm sure there will be ample opportunity for keen-as-mustard upstarts and well-worn-out veterans alike to show what they can bring to this rag-tag, footballing travellers camp we call P.S.F.C.

Incidentally, there is no truth to rumours that Willie French's Am-Dram company "Drambo" offered the squad a loan of their festival bleacher seating to accommodate the teeming mass of substitutes on the sidelines. (What do you mean you never knew about Willie's board treading gift?? -Ed *flounces away in disdain*)

French's award winning portrayal of Elvis in "Somebody Up There Likes Me"

Anyhow. Our track record at Pinkie has been woeful of late and its about bloody time we took the ram by the horns (will you 'ave 'ush at back! -Ed) and show exactly what a 78 strong bunch of misfits led by a bald Richard O'Brien lookalike can do! 

Come along. Play for 8 minutes. Sit on your arse for 82. In the RAIN. 

Have at you!!! You CAD!!

Dickie Davis

We'll Show You The Way To Goal

PSFC's legendary goalscoring exploits during the last two seasons should leave no-one in any doubt that when it comes to finding the net, "The Peruvian Powderkegs" certainly don't need no road map (nice double negative! -Ed).

However, if the situation should arise, why not follow the example of fans of German non-league outfit Magdeburg. After failing to find the net for 5 straight games the fans decided to help their favourites out with a subtle reminder of where the players should be aiming.

Fixtures 2012

All aboard the Jenga Bus! The Travelling Dangleberries have filled the tank, lubricated the crank-shaft and cleaned out the tail-pipe (eeeuurrgh! -Ed) as they hit the road for another season of sparkling fitba and shameful sportsmanship.

Stay tuned for all the up to date info on the fracas and frollicks, the constant talking b*llocks, hacking, cacking, bare bottom smacking (Hunter!), Peruvian strips, Gladys Knight & the Pips, guys that cant make it, Willie's baseball jaikit, effing, jeffing, Ian Forrest's bad Reffing, The Gaffers bad tactics and 17 goal thriller classics.

Welcome young, welcome all - From the fleet of foot Newbies to the crusty toed Oldies.

Now, lets get this bloody show on the road!!

FIXTURE LIST 2012

19th April     Gillespies / Working Together    Saughton - Astro
26th April     Tynecastle / St. David's    Dalkieth Campus - Grass
3rd May       Musselburgh   Pinkie Playing Fields - Grass
10th May     Portobello    Venue TBC
17th May     Newbattle    Venue TBC
24th May     W.H.E.C.    St.Augustines High School - Astro
31st May     Lasswade    Lasswade High School - Astro
7th June      Trinity    Bangholm Arena - Astro
14th June    West Lothian    Inveralmond High School - Grass
21st June    Craigmount     Venue TBC


Possible bounce match dates - 29th March & 28th June