Muddy Hell!

Primaries weather early storm to rain supreme in Dalkeith


PSFC started the season with a solid win against Tynecastle/St.Davids and sounded out an early warning to any would-be opponents who might fancy a "plop" at the title. (Yes, there will be weather puns throughout this report so learn to live with it - Ed)

The Dangleberries ranks had be swollen by a few new faces for this years campaign as the legendary ForthView Flyers joined ranks with (C)analview racing whippet Gregor Myles. However, the biggest shock was a return for Jammy Begg who had recently returned from a kibbutz in New Zealand after a 2 year Ovine Breeding Programme (or "Wooly Love" as its known there).

The match kicked off at a frenetic pace, yet it soon became apparent that the pitch (aka The Dalkeith Rice Pudding) would effectively negate any attempt at the kind of short passing game which PSFC are particularly fond (When? - Ed)

The home side had already figured this out and launched wave after wave of attack on the Primaries goal. Sterling work from the PSFC rearguard kept the TynieStD (ooooh! You're cool! - Ed) deluge at bay and goalkeeper McCann was beginning to resemble a demented Al Jolson impersonator with each helping of "dirt time" (Steady, Hunter!!)

It seemed as though the Primaries had taken the instruction "we're playing on grass" a bit too literally as every player chased after the ball like some hideous 22 legged siamese twin, yet out of this tangle of confusion shone one ray of sunshine in the form of quintessential "slippery customer" Steven Jamieson.

A Tynie corner (like a fruit corner but smaller) was hoofed clear by the outstanding Stuart Holden and brought down by the lanky assassin. He immediately burst forward, leaving defenders in his wake and cooly slotted to hand Primaries the advantage! 1-0 Primaries.

With the Dangleberries midfield finally coming to grips, the tie suddenly lurched in the away side's favour as Begg doubled the lead from close range after more sublime wing play from Jamieson.

2-0 Primaries. HT.

Benched backline botherer Sullivan cajoled his effervescent charges from the touchline and this seemed to spur on his cack covered colleagues further as they began the second period on fire.

Jamieson was once again tormentor in chief as he collected a loose ball out wide and arrowed towards the home side's penalty area, eventually skipping past two challenges before delightfully dinking a precise finish into the pokey. 3-0 Primaries.

As the rain storm machine-gunning the players began to enter into the "Biblical" category it looked for all the world as though that third goal would put the proverbial warm blanket around the shoulders of the Primaries performance. However, Tynie St.D had other ideas and their captain was allowed to stroll the length of the pitch unchallenged before rifling in a 30 yard effort that left McCann looking foolish (A tough ask for a ginger heided guy wearing red shorts and yellow socks - Ed) 3-1 Primaries.

The continued exclusion of three time top scorer Sullivan was beginning to make the Tevez affair look like small potatoes in comparison and his team mates pleaded for the relentless predator (I wouldn't be shouting that name about too often - Ed) to be welcomed into the fray. Readers, this reporter has to admit that Durkin looked particularly upset (that was because he had electrical tape holding his underpants together!!- Ed).

The team were revolting (tell us something we don't know! -Ed) and it was only in the nick of time that Kay deemed the striker worthy of inclusion. Not surprisingly, the tactic paid off immediately.

Sullivan's trademark steely determination won the ball in midfield and set up an intricate move between Kipanda, Peterkin and Baillie who sent Begg through on goal. However he was too focused on chatting up a lady defender and he allowed the ball to break loose to Myles who made no mistake from close range.  4-1 Primaries

The closing stages were played out in the kind of turgid spectacle that only Morrison seemed to take any pleasure from and the referee finally brought the match to a close.
4-1 Primaries FT

So, a fabulously hard fought win for Primaries in terrible conditions and a corking start to the campaign. Although everyone was outstanding to a man, there was one unanimous candidate for Man of the Match. Stevie Jamieson's beautiful brace bagged the bauble for the Giallo di Rossoblu.

Dickie Davies

Harris and Morrison were delighted with the win